Confidence Begins with Courtesy

1 July 2025

One of the most effective ways to build your child’s confidence is by teaching them good manners.

Manners are the foundation of respect and gratitude. They help children understand how to behave thoughtfully in different social situations—especially as they grow into young adults. Good manners give them a quiet confidence in how to navigate the world around them.

Don’t be fooled into thinking manners no longer matter. I can honestly say I’ve never met a single person who doesn’t appreciate being treated with courtesy and respect.

Manners teach children to express gratitude rather than entitlement—for both people and possessions. Whether we like it or not, the way a child behaves is often seen as a reflection of the family they come from. People will, rightly or wrongly, make judgments based on this.

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to teach your child good manners—and just as importantly, to consistently expect them to use them.

Ideally, manners should become second nature—something your child does without having to think twice. Of course, some habits take longer to develop than others, and yes, there will be moments when you feel like a broken record. But don’t give up. Repetition and consistency are key.

A confident, respectful adult often begins as a child who was raised with intention and care.

In my book Parenting Through the Primary Years, I include a full list of essential manners for children, but here are a few examples to get you started:

Saying “Yes please” when accepting something
Saying “No thank you” when politely declining
Saying “Excuse me” when needing to interrupt or pass by
Making eye contact when speaking to others (where culturally appropriate)
Putting their phone down when someone is speaking to them

As you encourage these behaviours, it’s important to ask yourself: Am I modelling good manners throughout the day? If the answer is no, it might be time to make a more conscious effort—children learn best by watching what we do.

I recently came across a lovely story on social media about a mother who takes her young son out to dinner once a month. During these outings, she teaches him how to open doors for her, order politely, use proper table manners, have meaningful, tech-free conversations, and respectfully pay the bill. These outings aren’t just lessons in etiquette—they’re meaningful experiences and beautiful memories.

You don’t have to go to such great lengths, but incorporating manners into everyday life and modelling them consistently can have a powerful impact. You’ll raise a child who others respect and admire—someone who feels confident in themselves and in the world around them.

And that confidence? It will open doors that manners alone can’t—but together, they’re a powerful pair.

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