All Friends of the Foundation Posts
5 August 2025
Problem solving: why kids need to try (and fail)
As parents, it can be incredibly tough to watch our children face problems or challenges. We all wish we could wrap them in a world of rainbows and butterflies — but the truth is, life isn’t always easy. And while we can’t shield our children from every bump in the road, we can equip them with the tools they need to navigate those bumps with resilience and confidence.
One of the most important tools a child can learn is how to problem solve. Not all problems have clear solutions, but learning how to face a challenge and think through possible responses is a skill that will serve them for life.
The Trouble with Helicopter Parenting
Many of us — myself included — have fallen into the trap of “helicopter parenting”. It often comes from a good place: we want to help, to make sure our child doesn’t struggle or feel disappointed. But when we constantly step in to fix or do things for our children, we’re unintentionally sending the message that we don’t trust in their abilities.
We might be saying, without realising it: “Don’t bother trying unless you can get it right the first time.”
The reality is that life doesn’t work that way — and if we want our children to become confident and capable, we need to give them space to try, to fail, to learn, and to try again.
Why Problem Solving Matters
When children learn to tackle challenges on their own — even with guidance — they gain more than just practical skills. They build self-esteem, independence, and a belief in their own capabilities. It’s empowering for a child to realise, “I can figure this out.”
In The Magic Coat program, one of our favourite characters, Solomon the Surfboard, encourages children to “surf life’s waves”. He teaches them a simple, age-appropriate method for approaching problems. One of the key steps is brainstorming possible solutions, ideally with the support of a Lighthouse Adult.
Be a Lighthouse, Not a Lifesaver
A Lighthouse Adult doesn’t rush in and take over — instead, they act as a calm, steady presence, shining light on the path ahead. They listen, offer ideas, and help a child weigh up the pros and cons of each possible solution. But ultimately, they empower the child to make their own choice about what to try.
And if the first solution doesn’t work? That’s okay. The message is: “Try something else. Keep going. You’ll get there.”
You Are Their Role Model
Remember, children learn so much more from what we do than what we say. If they see you calmly working through your own problems, staying open to different solutions, and learning from mistakes — they’ll learn to do the same.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just need to be present, supportive, and willing to let them try.
Let’s raise problem solvers — not perfectionists.
Your child is more capable than you think. With your encouragement and guidance, they’ll learn to navigate life’s waves with courage, creativity, and confidence.
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