Helping Kids Turn Anger into Strength

1 May 2025

Children are often made to feel guilty for feeling angry, when in fact, anger is a completely normal emotion — one that everyone experiences from time to time. Rather than shaming children for their anger, our role as parents is to help them understand it, manage it safely, and express it in a way that doesn’t hurt themselves or others.

It’s important to remember that anger often stems from two other powerful emotions: fear and hurt. When children feel misunderstood or overwhelmed by these feelings, they can become frustrated — and this frustration often shows up as anger.

In The Magic Coat book, there’s a simple and effective poem children can learn by heart. Each line represents a helpful strategy they can use to calm themselves when they feel angry:

Close your eyes and count to ten.
Write a help note with your pen.
Visualise a peaceful place.
Make sure you are in your own space.
Relax tight muscles in your arms and hands.
Now you can carry on with your plans.

Let’s break down what each line means so you can teach this valuable tool to your child:

Close your eyes and count to ten.
Encouraging your child to close their eyes while counting allows them to step away from what’s triggering them and gives their mind a chance to reset — like pressing a pause button on their emotions.

Write a help note with your pen.
Some children find it hard to talk when they’re angry. Encourage them to draw or write what they’re feeling and why. This gives them an alternative way to express themselves while helping them feel seen and heard.

Visualise a peaceful place.
Invite your child to imagine a place where they feel safe, happy, and calm. It could be a real place like the beach or their bedroom, or something from their imagination — whatever brings them comfort.

Make sure you are in your own space.
Sometimes the best thing a child can do is step away. Teaching them to take some time alone can help them avoid saying or doing something they might regret.

Relax tight muscles in your arms and hands.
Show your child how to notice when their muscles are clenched, and then help them shake out their hands and roll their shoulders. This physical release can help reduce emotional tension too.

Now you can carry on with your plans.
Reassure your child that feeling angry doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined. Once they’ve moved through the emotion in a safe way, they can get back to doing what they enjoy.

A final tip for parents:
Be mindful of how you manage your own anger. Children are always watching, and they often learn how to respond to big feelings by observing us. You might even want to learn this poem yourself — and the next time you feel frustrated, show your child how you use one of the strategies to calm down. It’s a powerful way to teach through example.

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