All Friends of the Foundation Posts

1 April 2025

The Power of Family Rules: Creating Structure & Harmony

Many parents try so hard to be their child’s friend rather than their parent.

This saddens me because children need a parent who will guide them through childhood and adolescence, equipping them with the skills and strategies to become independent, resilient, and caring individuals who, if they choose, can one day raise a family of their own.

To do this successfully, you need to be your child’s parent first and allow friendship to develop naturally once they have grown through adolescence.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, laughs, and giggles with your children, but discipline should always come from a place of love.

“Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions, not retribution.” – L.R. Knost

Discipline means teaching children to behave properly in a positive and loving way. You need to find a balance in your approach to discipline because, without it, children may feel insecure and uncertain about the world around them. If you impose harsh and negative discipline, children will behave out of fear, which can create anxiety issues for them.

To help maintain consistency in the home, I recommend the following exercise to create household rules and consequences that everyone owns. When children are part of the rule-making process, they have more ownership and are far more likely to follow the rules set.

These rules will help the family live harmoniously together. Don’t include chores in this list, as I will discuss chores separately.

RESOURCES NEEDED:
  • Large piece of paper
  • Coloured pens and markers
  • Poster paper
INSTRUCTIONS:
  1. Call a family meeting and ensure everyone is present before starting.
  2. Explain that this meeting is for the whole family to create a set of rules that everyone will follow. Having a clear set of rules will help make the home more harmonious for everyone.
  3. Begin with a brainstorm—ask everyone to suggest rules they think are important for the family. Examples include:
    • Show respect and kindness to each other
    • Listen to one another
    • Help each other
    • No yelling or screaming at one another
  4. Once you have brainstormed the rules, give each person a pen. Go around the table and let each person circle two rules they believe are the most important. If someone circles a rule and another person also wants to circle it, they can add another circle in a different colour.
  5. Look at the circled rules and finalise a list of family rules—aim for no more than ten.
  6. Discuss appropriate consequences for breaking these rules. Ensure the consequences are fair and realistic because consistency is key.
  7. Once the rules and consequences are decided, give your children a poster card to create a visual list. Encourage them to decorate it and hang it somewhere visible for the whole family.

The fun part is creating the rules; the hard part is sticking to them. You must be the role model you want your child to follow, which means you must also abide by the rules. If parents are not consistent, children will quickly learn to disregard them.

By working together as a family, you create a positive environment where everyone feels heard, valued, and secure.

Share this blog post: